surgery day, part 1

you have to get up really early to have surgery. i hate that. i was dressed and ready to go at 6:30 AM, when i get up at 7:00 AM for work. so i got up early on my day off. bummer. and you can't have any metal near you. you will be asked if any part of you contains metal like, 8 times. i'm not kidding. and when they say your hair rubber band they'll freak out - until you show it's metal free. phew.

so, at any rate we go to the hospital and i'm taken away from my parents and told to get naked and put on a surgical gown. being the rebel that i am, i kept my undies on. this is a big no-no and made me sad-sad. apparently, many patients "lose control" during long surgeries (i was expected to be out for 2 hours) so this way they can guarantee you'll have a dry pair to wake up to. if i would have known that was the case i would have brought another pair. not that that would have made any difference.

and then, they lost my parents. my parents need directions. not explicit ones, but some guidance would be nice. they were never told to go to the next waiting room so no one could find them and i got all nervous cause a nurse took away my glasses AND made it sound like if they didn't get to talk to mom and dad right then to give them instructions i might die. so, mom didn't get to give me a hug after the undies incident, but my parents eventually asked what was going on and it all turned out ok. my anesthesiologist was hot and the IV they use has a plastic needle so you can move your arm. i got a blanket that was fresh out of the dryer and very warm. nurses were nice and the surgery began. i hope i didn't do anything embarassing during the surgery, but i'll never know, so i guess it's ok.

when you wake up from the surgery it hurts. duh, right? but it was the most startling thing to my drug-addled brain. and it wasn't even really my face that hurt, even though i pointed that out to a nurse, so much as my throat. i was intubated, so i didn't stop breathing, and when they yank that sucker out it leaves behind a dry, swollen throat. the passage of air through my throat caused pain, so i didn't feel like breathing. which caused alarms to go off and nurses to yell at me to breathe. i didn't see what the big deal was, i randomly hold my breath all the time. but they seemed to think this was a problem so i took deep breaths of oxygen to get them to stop yelling so my head would hurt less. ice chips helped too.

when i was finally deemed ok to move i went to another room and the parents came in and the getting waited on started. "more water. hand me ginger ale. rub my head. fetch my glasses. ask a nurse if i can go pee." and then a big thought hit me. my gown is untied. i have no undies. people will see my bum. so i voiced this concern. several times. "dad, i don't want anyone to see my bum!" this caused many people to quietly chuckle. including all of the nurses. oh, btw, all of the nurses were really super nice. i know they only yelled so i wouldn't die and one was nice enough to tie up my gown so no one related to me had to see my bum. phew.

i went to the potty and i gots to tell you, those IV poles are heavy. i think that stinks. but, i peed, felt ok, and was released. released to be wheeled by a mad woman outside. those patient transport people should do a little slower. i got car sick on the way out of the hospital.